Posts in Recovery
On Disappointment

I'm a big fan of showing one's disappointment; though I have to be careful not to let that turn into disapproval. Letting others know you're disappointed can produce various results. Stronger bonds in friendship. Deeper understanding of one's own insecurities. A new drive towards better performance. Disappointment derives from our own understanding that things should - could have been - better. In essence, it didn't have to be "this way", or things could have been different.

The problem becomes: what if we're disappointed in ourselves?

How do we deal with THAT?

Disappointment is, ultimately, a misstep on the uncharted journey. When it comes to disappointment in oneself, ultimately it's a reflection on past decisions - or lapses in judgement. It's when we find ourselves at the bottom of a rocky valley, in the middle of a depressing looking creek, or just outside a desolate field and wonder "How exactly did I get here? This is not where I intended to go."

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The Plague of Failure

Probably the hardest lesson during Recovery was forgiving my own transgressions towards myself.

I didn't realize at first, but while sitting in that tiny room with six grown men, contemplating the difficulty between accepting other's forgiveness or God's or our own, and discussing the merits of grace itself, I discovered the root of my disease. Not the starting point, mind you, but the area which has kept me stuck for more than ten years. When the conversation turned my way I was struck with silence. Typically I'm not known as a quiet one, but I was afraid of saying anything. Nerves were not the issue. It was the simplicity.

 "It can't be this." I thought. "Because the sense it makes is way too much."

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