Posts in Discovering Who You Are
On Siblings, Social Injustices, and Snowcone Regrets

I had the opportunity to answer some questions, for a director, in anticipation of hopefully getting to work on an upcoming project soon. This was originally just an exercise in getting to know me better before finalizing any sort of casting, and while unconventional, is very much appreciated by myself as an actor. I believe it should be done more often. Considering most people never take the time to ask questions like this, I thought I'd share my answers as an insight into more of who I am and how I think. Enjoy.

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On Disappointment

I'm a big fan of showing one's disappointment; though I have to be careful not to let that turn into disapproval. Letting others know you're disappointed can produce various results. Stronger bonds in friendship. Deeper understanding of one's own insecurities. A new drive towards better performance. Disappointment derives from our own understanding that things should - could have been - better. In essence, it didn't have to be "this way", or things could have been different.

The problem becomes: what if we're disappointed in ourselves?

How do we deal with THAT?

Disappointment is, ultimately, a misstep on the uncharted journey. When it comes to disappointment in oneself, ultimately it's a reflection on past decisions - or lapses in judgement. It's when we find ourselves at the bottom of a rocky valley, in the middle of a depressing looking creek, or just outside a desolate field and wonder "How exactly did I get here? This is not where I intended to go."

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The Plague of Failure

Probably the hardest lesson during Recovery was forgiving my own transgressions towards myself.

I didn't realize at first, but while sitting in that tiny room with six grown men, contemplating the difficulty between accepting other's forgiveness or God's or our own, and discussing the merits of grace itself, I discovered the root of my disease. Not the starting point, mind you, but the area which has kept me stuck for more than ten years. When the conversation turned my way I was struck with silence. Typically I'm not known as a quiet one, but I was afraid of saying anything. Nerves were not the issue. It was the simplicity.

 "It can't be this." I thought. "Because the sense it makes is way too much."

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Oh, So That's Who You Are

I often wonder about how I might raise my future children. I don't know if that's abnormal, but to me it always felt crucial. Better to think about it now than to learn on the spot...probably.

A major component of raising children comes with the initial perspective upon conception. How do you view your children? If they are someone to be molded or shaped, then most likely you'll spend much of your time correcting behavior, pointing out what they are doing wrong, or making decisions based on what you believe is best for them. This is somewhat of the "You are my child and you do what I say" mentality; though it doesn't have to be as strong. If they were a mistake - or unexpected - then most of your time might be a frustrating example of how to get your two lives (before the child/after the child) to align, or playing catchup. That's not to take away from the mistakes that have become major blessings to countless parents out there. However, for me, the view of the child has to be that of a gift. From the conception onward, this is a human being, created by God for a purpose. Sure, it's my job to guide them, and maybe even teach them the ways of the world.

More importantly - it's my privilege to witness them discover who they are.

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